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Archive for the ‘rantings’


Four-Skull Ratings Explained

After giving another reviewer crap for this, someone started in on myself. If you’ve only reviewed a few films, it isn’t hard to grade on a scale; when you’ve reviewed hundreds of films and people start reading you, they start to see discrepancies (whether real or imagined.) It isn’t possible to rate every film against every other film, and words like good, bad, perfect, and awful don’t always set right with those who put their time and effort into doing the best they can (nor does it mean they get a pass, however.)

The most ethical way in my mind to rate films is by my own recommendation (a word I use on EVERY review) since this is MY opinion. Four skulls to zero skulls is used to signify my personal highest recommendation to my least. If you still need a breakdown:

  • 4.0 out of four skulls 4.0 out of Four Skulls. My highest recommendation. I will see this again. Buy a ticket at the theater. Everyone should see this. I will eventually own it.
  • 3.5 out of four skulls 3.5 out of Four Skulls. Highly recommended. Can’t wait to see this again. Should be seen at the theater. Most moviegoers should see this. I may eventually own it.
  • 3.0 out of four skulls 3.0 out of Four Skulls. Mostly recommended. I may see this again. Worth a ticket at the theater. Many moviegoers should enjoy this. Might purchase it on discount.
  • 2.5 out of four skulls 2.5 out of Four Skulls. A viewable recommendation. Watchable at least one time. Worth a matinee price. You shouldn’t hate yourself for watching this. Ownable in the $5 Walmart bin.
  • 2.0 out of four skulls 2.0 out of Four Skulls. A genre fans only recommendation. Watching once may be palatable. Set it in your Netflix queue or watch on a movie channel. You may feel soiled watching this. Ownable as a gift.
  • 1.5 out of four skulls 1.5 out of Four Skulls. A genre fan warning recommendation. Watching once may cause emotional stress. Set low on your Netflix queue or DVR on a movie channel. You’ll need a shower after watching this. Regift back to whoever gave it to you.
  • 1.0 out of four skulls 1.0 out of Four Skulls. A couch potato recommendation. Watching once may be once too many. Avoid your Netflix queue and skip through your DVR recording. You can’t scrub this movie off fast enough. Wouldn’t keep if you gave me a copy.
  • 0.5 out of four skulls 0.5 out of Four Skulls. A poor recommendation. Watching once may be hazardous to your health. Cable channels should avoid showing this, even late at night. You may be tainted for viewing this. Owning this is a sure sign of dementia.
  • 0.0 out of four skulls 0.0 out of Four Skulls. Reserved only for my lowest recommendations. I cringe when I see this film’s name. No media outlet should show this. No one should see this. You couldn’t torture me into taking a copy.

Things Learned from San Diego Comic Con #sdcc

Things we learned from this past weekend’s 2010 San Diego Comic Con included:

  • Linda Hamilton will play Mrs. Bartowski in season 4 “Chuck”
  • Super-producer Jerry Bruckheimer sure hopes Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides will be a hit in 2011.
  • Guillermo del Toro wants to do a Haunted Mansion movie for Disney “right.”
  • New trailers for Priest, Tron: Legacy.
  • Skyline wants to be this year’s District 9.
  • CHUD.com told you Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.
  • Ryan Reynolds enjoys reciting the Green Lantern oath to six-year olds.
  • Lionsgate enjoy burying their fans alive.
  • Director Joe Dante isn’t dead; he’s just been spending time in The Hole.
  • Norse helms in the Marvel universe are very cool.
  • Lotsa cool stuff coming up in the last half of “True Blood” season 3 on HBO.
  • After three years of teasing, Tron: Legacy is poised to do Avatar kind of box office business.

Virtual San Diego Comic Con 2010 #sdcc

Have you ever been to a popular arts convention? And by “popular arts,” I mean any and/or all of the following: comics, movies, science fiction, horror, tattoos, anime, and who knows what else.

If you have, you know how EXPENSIVE they can be. Hotel rooms, transportation, meals, and incidentals… yeesh. And that’s not including spending money. Your best hope is to buddy up with as many fellow fans as you can to divide the costs or work hard to save up big; no one likes to have to decide on their next three meals or starve to buy that signed, minted, limited-production whatever that you’ll never find again that you didn’t even know existed before right now.

But if you’re just in it for the announcements, there’s plenty of other people going who will be more than happy to email, update, and tweet you whatever they just saw or found out. To all of them, I say support them any way you can, live vicariously through them, and throw a little of the money you saved on the stuff they’re peddling so they can afford to keep doing it. One day, you, too, may find yourself rubbing elbows with your favorite creators, writers, actors, directors, and artists, and someone else will have only your sacrifice of time and money to experience it through.

Con on!

2010 Public Service Announcement (Happy 4th!)

Happy Fourth of July, America. And give Death a holiday, too.

Predictably Bad May 2010 at Box Office

It’s been brewing for months: “Where have all the great summer blockbuster movies gone?” Receipts are down 11% from May 2009.

The two highest grossing domestic US films of the year thus far are Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland ($333 million to date) and Iron Man 2 ($291 million to date.) After a string of so-so films last summer, the very idea of this year’s offerings have sounded lazy. Marmaduke? MacGruber? And films that were expected to be blockbusters are so obviously not what audiences want that they don’t even bother with a ticket. Robin Hood? Killers?

The real successes have been what are considered low-budget films: Kick-Ass, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and Date Night. These $15 to $40 million costing films are making two and three times their budget by filling niches and keeping costs low. Is this the future of cinema or a fluke? Is the blockbuster a dying breed or does it just need a shot in creative arm?

June’s offering include a film version of 80′s show The A-Team (already being denounced by Mr. T for its actual body count), a new Karate Kid movie (that “skinny little girl” in the trailers is actually Will Smith’s son), a third Toy Story movie (with a Ken doll suffering an identity crisis), the friends of Adam Sandler reunion film Grown Ups, and the return of Tom Cruise in action with Knight and Day. See you at the aftermath!


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