Two years after Titanic, "Leo" finally returns with The Beach, a cautionary tale about choosing the wrong movie to follow up a blockbuster with. 

Leonardo DiCaprio stars as Richard, a punk with more dollars than sense who inexplicably travels to Thailand seeking adventure, but since an R rating has sanitized the red light NC-17 district for American viewers, Bangkok now looks like a suburb of New York after they cleaned up Times Square. Fortunately for Richard, Daffy (Robert Carlyle) arrives, providing a map to a perfect but forbidden beach where the rest of the movie takes place. Of course, Richard does stop long enough to ask the cute French girl next door in his hotel to go with him, and she just wouldn't leave without her boyfriend, so the three of them set out to find paradise. To make a long story short, they find the beach, learn something about one another, and end up having to leave. Roll the credits. 

Is it horrible? No. Is it good? Nah. Richard's quest is for the French girl's treasure, so to speak, and he has to follow a map to a "blue lagoon" to collect it. Of course, no treasure hunt would be complete without pirates (actually drug smugglers), mysterious natives (other tourists already there), and sharks (to prove how brave Richard is.) Actual themes include the relief of boredom resulting in the suffering of others and dealing with infatuation... poorly. Ultimately, Richard isn't a very nice person, but why should he be? He never has to suffer any real punishment or loss for his thoughtlessness toward others. Even at the end he's really learned nothing, so what was the point? 

Then there are the unforgivable "pop art" sequences, such as Leo running through the jungle as if he's trapped in a video game complete with score counter and extra men, or imagining that he and Daffy are mowing down the other tourists with a machine gun. If these were supposed to illustrate Richard going off the deep end, he promptly snaps back to all too quickly when paradise may be lost. His first stop on the way out? The French girl! 

On the upside, the French girl is very pretty and the beach is indeed very beautiful, but neither is enough to make this movie much more interesting. Leo does get beat up a few times, so if you're into that kind of thing, enjoy. As for us, we can wait to see what he puts out next for another two years. 

(1.5 out of 4)