Category Archives: Review

Review: ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’ (it’s the Sparrow and Barbossa show!)

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Captain Jack Sparrow sets sail once again, but how does it fare without Gore Verbinski at the rudder?

With no more curses, dead men’s chests, or world endings to speak of, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) continues to dedicate himself to the cause of locating the legendary Fountain of Youth. Unfortunately, an attempt to rescue his old friend Gibbs (Kevin McNally) puts him at odds with the English crown now being advised by a privateer named Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). It seems that the Spanish are keen on finding the fountain first, and worse yet, someone pretending to be Jack Sparrow is recruiting their own crew to find it as well. When an old flame (Penélope Cruz) turns up in the middle of it all, it isn’t long before Jack finds himself unconscious and shanghaied aboard the Queen Anne’s Revenge, commanded by the pirate that all pirates fear, Blackbeard (Ian McShane).

With the fortune that the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise has made to date, a fourth film was inevitable. As another chance to visit our favorite characters again and see what they’ve been up to (other than the happy ending of the original three), On Stranger Tides bursts at the seams with plot, almost to the point of collapsing in on its own weight. Ian McShane’s Blackbeard is, sadly, wasted (as is much of that plotline except as a catalyst to put Jack at odds with Cruz’s character), but the remaining focus on Sparrow and Barbossa continues not only the tale of their rivalry but also why (and how well) they ever worked together to begin with.

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Review: ‘Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil’ (hillbilly heaven gone all to hell)

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In the tradition of Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, here’s a clever spoof of the slasher genre that reinvents the genre itself.

The time: Memorial Day weekend. The place: West “By God” Virginia. The setup: a group of pretty, well-dressed college students taking a well-deserved break (from what? Like a couple of weeks of school, tops?) pass an old pickup truck with two of Darwin’s finest local specimens, one of which stares unblinking at the young adults as they pass. At a gas station just up the road (and an obligatory stop for alcohol), the students encounter the coveralled hillbillies yet again and fear the worst. Faster than you can say redneck rampage, the point of view is flipped to the pair of good ol’ boys named Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) who just want to fix up their dilapidated mountain cabin and enjoy a bit of rest and relaxation. Unfortunately, the preppy college kids convince themselves of Tucker and Dale’s obvious ill intentions and attempt to murder the mountain men back first.

This wonderful horror-comedy seemed to pop up out of nowhere (off a shelf it’s been siting on is more likely), but it’s obvious why this film didn’t get a wide theatrical release before being sent to DVD land: the fan base who would appreciate this is very specific. By taking all the traditional slasher/city mouse tropes and giving it a good twist, the end result is enough accidental deaths to fill an installment of Final Destination but without all that doom and gloom stuff. This is a misunderstanding of epic levels fueled by egos influenced by watching too many of very same kind of movies. It’s a far-fetched but bloody fun film that doesn’t talk down to its target audience so much as it celebrates fans of the genre.

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Review: ‘Trollhunter’

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Remember the feeling you had the first time you saw Jurassic Park and wondered “Are those real dinosaurs?” That.

In Norway, a group of Volda University students begin to investigate the mysterious appearance of dead bears turning up at odd locations. Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud), Johanna (Johanna Mørck), and their cameraman Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen), pick up the trail of a hunter (Otto Jespersen) who they believe might be a poacher. Following the mysterious man out into the woods, they quickly discover that the man actually works for the Norwegian government. His job is to herd, kill, and prevent knowledge of the existence of something thought only to be fantasy: trolls.

The “found footage” genre has grown by leaps and bounds, from art house horror like The Blair Witch Project to mainstream in-theater theme park rides like Cloverfield and (as of this writing) the Paranormal Activity trilogy. The trick is to come up with an excuse to keep filming when anyone in their right minds would abandon the camera and run for their lives, but it’s a cheap option for Independent horror and creates a realistic atmosphere that adds suspense by putting the audience in the middle of the action. Trollhunter (“Trolljegeren” in its native language) combines found footage with Jurassic Park-quality effects to tell an almost heartbreaking story amidst a horrific situation. It’s clever, well thought out, and brilliantly sucks you in.

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Review: ‘The Artist’ (awards season is getting the silent treatment)

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A story that’s so sweet and innocent, it’s practically forgivable for being the awards bait it’s being offered up as.

One of the biggest actors in 1927 Hollywood is George Valentin (Jean Dujardin), a silent film star working for a studio owned by Al Zimmer (John Goodman). On the set of his latest film, George meets Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), an extra he’d had a previous encounter with and a fellow dancer as well. Soon after, Zimmer shows off to George the latest in film technology: a recorded soundtrack with voices instead of cue cards. George laughs off any chance of it ever catching on, but it isn’t long before he sees his silent star begin to fade as Peppy Miller’s “talkie star” begins to rise. With the fruits of George’s former success souring all around him and no prospects of returning to the big screen, what hope does a silent film star have to entertain audiences he’s certain doesn’t want to ever hear him?

The ambition of this project is evident from the start: a black and white, virtually silent movie about a silent film star struggling to find relevance without a voice of his own. The timing, of course, in releasing such a high-concept film at awards season isn’t a coincidence, especially being composed of elements that seasonal award voters gravitate toward. In spite of this, the story has merit as a compelling yet innocent tale that just isn’t told anymore, and what’s more, it works. It’s obvious that the movie is made with modern equipment and cinematography, but special care has been taken to evoke the era rather than duplicate it. This may be the final time anyone will attempt a film of this sort, but building the reasons for its obsolescence into the plot as a story element is how the movie gets away with its premiss. This is the kind of film that award voters all give points to while championing other films individually for the bigger prizes, and it’s for that reason that The Artist may be poised to sneak up and win a few of those prestigious awards this year.

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Review: ‘Hanna’ (a girl with a killer instinct instead of a smile)

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Sometimes a gritty, unpolished, and decidedly European-style thriller is exactly what you’re looking for.

In the world of spycraft, someone is always trying to build a better assassin: smarter, deadlier, and above all, obedient to a fault. Hanna (Saoirse Ronan) has trained all her life for “the mission” by her father Erik (Eric Bana). Knowing her own capabilities and being her own worst critic, Erik leaves it up to Hanna when to decide she’s ready, indicated by literally flipping a switch. Once the decision is made, Hanna’s life will change forever and there’s no turning back, but how much of her stolen childhood will she realize is missing once her father is out of the picture? A covert operative named Marissa (Cate Blanchett) holds many of the answers, but to keep Marissa’s skeletons in the closet, both Hanna and her father will need to disappear again… permanently.

European thrillers have a real-world grittiness that the spit and polish of similar American films often gloss over. Is it because Europeans are happier with the first take, or that American filmmakers prefer their world to look pristine for hi-def? Whatever the reason, that grit makes a thriller like Hanna feel very real even when it’s at its most absurd. Part of that credit goes to the cast, particularly Saoirse Ronan in the title role (if only for keeping up with Cate Blanchett and Eric Bana). While not perfect and leaving a lot of questions unanswered, it’s the kind of film that has you thinking about what you just saw, and that’s rarely a bad thing.

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Review: ‘We Need To Talk About Kevin’ (preferably out of earshot)

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You know those television shows where something bad is about to happen to your favorite character before it says “three days earlier” with an explanation of how they got there? It’s like that (but in no way satisfying here).

When we first meet the downtrodden Eva (Tilda Swinton), she seems to be a husk of her former self, sleepwalking through life with the responsibilties of the world weighing her down. As she struggles to endure each new day, her memories give us insight as to how she got to this point in her solitary, lonely life. Eva sensed something wrong about her son, Kevin, from a very early age, a fact lost on his father (John C. Reilly) who only sees a loving son with a few forgivable development problems (such as being in diapers at the age of six). Fast forward to the future and the stage is set for tragedy, but who’s the one to blame for it all?

There’s a decent story here along with an above-average cast, but Kevin suffers from execution (and not the deserved one we’d like to actually see). The problem is that there’s no real mystery here other than the details; you can see it coming from a mile away, and it’s a bit tediuos in getting to the point since the story chose to begin with the cat already out of the bag. All that leaves is the struggle of Swinton’s Eva in reconciling herself for what happened (which seems to be the point of the film and the source of drama with Ms. Swinton pouring her broken heart and tortured soul into it), because the families of the victims certainly have chosen to place the blame squarely on her (since they can’t get their hands around the neck of her son). Unfortunately, by the time it all comes to a conclusion, there’s less of a reconcilation and more an endurace than an ending; the cring-worthy soundtrack littered with random folksy tunes doesn’t help, either.

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Review: ‘The Tree of Life’ (not for human consumption)

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If I can prevent just one person from watching this, it’ll have been worth suffering through it.

After an opening sequence of scenes flashing between past and modern times, the story is interrupted by the barely audible questioning of God, something that becomes a running theme and occurs at completely random intervals throughout the film. This first instance triggers a breathtaking, Discovery Channel-worthy “Creation of the Universe” sequence (almost sixteen minutes long) complete with a shot of a beached Nessie and Darwinian evolutionary jumps (none of which seem to have anything to do with the random jumble of info provided at the opening). Following this is a montage of family film clips, extreme point-of-view shots, and dramatic orchestra music. Finally, fifty minutes in, something resembling a narrative begins at the dinner table with Big Daddy Pitt in his Waco, Texas home… no, wait, now we’re in an airplane (sigh). We learn in Sunday school that everything dies while Big Daddy Pitt says “You can’t be too good in this life, and you can’t say ‘I can’t.’” Enter the longhaired brunette schoolgirl, a drowning, Snow White in a glass coffin, and (finally!) something interesting: ‘tweenage rebellion and defiance. Sean Penn at last reappears (at the two-hour mark!) in a suit… in the desert. No, wait… back to space. People from every era of the film appear together while wandering aimlessly at the beach. There are doors, masks, sunflowers, and water… lots of life-giving, boring water. The end. No, really.

Incredible cinematography? Check. Beautiful soundtrack? Check. Narrative? You won’t find any such thing ’round these parts. There’s been little secret that Terrence Malick isn’t among my favorite directors. One of the most meaningless, wasteful films I’ve ever reviewed, The Thin Red Line, has stood as this reviewer’s all-time least recommended film. With the hype and awards for his newest creation, The Tree of Life, I had hoped that the reclusive yet inexplicably celebrated auteur might have crafted something, well, watchable. Congratulations, Mr. Malick; you’ve topped yourself and my every expectation, and The Thin Red Line must be relegated to my second least recommended film of all time.

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Review: ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol’ (IMAX)

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This is the reason to see a movie in IMAX (at least until they make a sequel to Avatar).

Found rotting away in a Soviet prison, agent Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is reactivated from semi-retirement to stop a nuclear threat. When the mission goes awry and the Kremlin explodes, circumstantial evidence places the blame on the IMF agency and all of their operatives are disavowed. Innocent of the crime but still with a job to do, Hunt and a small group of agents must mount a mission to save the world, clear the agency’s name, and reboot the franchise.

It’s hard not to love producer J.J. Abrams. It’s even harder not to love director Brad Bird. Tom Cruise? In spite of his antics outside of his career, it’s hard to suggest he doesn’t bend over backwards to entertain his audience. Enter the new Mission Impossible movie, shot entirely on IMAX cameras and pooling the resources of all these talents into a summer-worthy blockbustering end-of-year blowout. Sweeping venues, impossible tasks, and covert intrigue are all things expected from a Mission Impossible movie, but after finding the franchise’s stride with the third installment, this is the Abrams-produced sequel to his own contribution: everything that worked in the third film amped up to eleven. It’s about the team, it’s about the mission, and it’s about time.

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Today’s Reaper Thing: “Grimmie,” a Novel by Linda S. Cowden

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There are hundreds of films and plenty of books with the Grim Reaper as a character, but how many of them are about the Reaper himself (and how many get him right?)

Consider the plight of Corwin Grimm, known to some as a philosophizing street saxophonist who collects eclectic friends from society’s outcasts. The truth is far more sinister, that “Corwin” is merely the favorite face secretly worn by Death himself, the Grim Reaper. With the power to manipulate matter on a minute level and tasked with harvesting the souls of all humanity, you might think the busiest Angel residing outside of the Divine Presence would have better things to do than lurk in the shadows playing haunting melodies and befriend interesting mortals. From a single, seemingly insignificant event that taints him with a sliver of humanity, Death is freed to explore his own nature and the nature of being human, but what prevents an all-powerful, free-willed Grim Reaper from doing anything he feels is necessary to protect or avenge those he perceives as being wronged? Hint: don’t get on his bad side.

Author Linda S. Cowden has created something truly unique: a life story for the Grim Reaper. It isn’t “the” life story of Death because the Reaper has no life. True, Death has a boss and follows orders like any trusted servant would, but in being tainted, he begins to care, and this creates an incredible conflict in an immortal being to which any single lifetime is but the blink of an eye. Ms. Cowden has crafted a plausible and fascinating account of what the Grim Reaper is and represents, all self-contained in a hefty story equal parts drama, thriller, and horror. In Grimmie, the Reaper is no longer a mere catalyst to some hapless human’s story but takes center stage himself, and the reader is along for the harvest.

Inspired by existing folklore of Death carrying on conversations with renowned philosophers and religious figures, the author doesn’t pull any punches with her central character’s views of the world any more than when the Reaper’s scythe at last falls. No one but the Reaper himself is above reproach (read: able to be killed off abruptly), and the concept of free will is something Death wrestles with both in others and in himself. The prose is cinematic, but the necessary size of the story and its complexity would have to be handled carefully for anyone intent on lifting it out of the written medium (perhaps only realized as a twelve-episode mini-series on HBO created by monster-sympathizer Guillermo del Toro). If you thought an amoral, irresistible force of nature that appears at the moment of every living thing’s destruction was disturbing, how much scarier is it when that entity develops the capacity to thoroughly enjoy it when you’ve got it coming?

Grimmie is available on Amazon.