Review: ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ 2014 (it’s actually good?)

Not despising Megan Fox’s character should be the minimum criteria for ANY positive film review.

New York City journalist April O’Neil (Megan Fox) dreams of something bigger than fluff reports – just like every other reporter. While trying to catch a break investigating a gang calling themselves “The Foot Clan,” April discovers four vigilantes who are fighting back…and they prefer not to be seen doing it. After she finally catches up to them, she realizes who they are (a big departure from previous incarnations of this tale), a revelation that not only puts her in the line of fire but also gives the existence of the vigilantes away to their greatest enemy (say it with me now): the Shredder!

First off, Michael Bay didn’t direct this movie; he just produced it along with Nickelodeon – maybe all Bay films should be made this way! The real question herein seems to be “Who is the new Turtles movie for?” With a PG-13 rating, the film pushes the violence while still remaining family friendly, but it does manage to straddle the divide between newer, younger fans and those who grew up with the original Turtles. Remember the black and white comic? It wasn’t for kids; in fact, one of the best Turtles movies was the recent mashup of four of the best-known incarnations, from the colorless original to the kiddiest-friendly version. After seeing the newest finished film, the best answer is: everyone. Old fans get the familiar tropes, new fans get a fresh introduction, and everyone meets in the middle for a fun action comedy.

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Review: ‘Into the Storm’ (It’s ‘Twister’…fortified with danger and plot!)

After a freak overnight tornado is reported, a team of stormchasers (Matt Walsh and Sarah Wayne Callies) arrive in a small town hoping to take a tornado-proof vehicle with two dozen video cameras into the eye of a twister. At the same time, a local high school is filming a virtual time capsule for their vice principal (Richard Armitage) on graduation day – just before the sirens start going off. Over the course of only a few hours, nerves and mettle will be tested as the unprecedented destruction of a small town begins…

It seems likely that one or more individuals were sitting around one day and said, “Hey, can you imagine how cool Twister would look if it was done with today’s special effects?” While Twister did have something of a plot between the characters and how important stormchasing was, it really never delved into the devastation or human cost: it was an effects film, plot be damned. Kudos to revitalizing the found-footage concept by simultaneously showing a high school making a video time capsule while the stormchasers have manual and automatic cameras of their own; it creates the idea that, after everything that happens, there’s enough footage to tell a complete story while providing that all-essential excuse why people are filming this instead of running for their lives. To the credit of the filmmakers, it’s entertaining, it works, and it doesn’t pull any punches.

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Review: ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ (fun promised, awesome delivered)

“Make Mine Marvel.” It’s not just for comics anymore.

After losing his mother as a child and being kidnapped by aliens on the same day, Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) knows a little something about loss. He also knows a little something about gain, too, being an intergalactic thief who calls himself “Star-Lord.” When a particular caper goes south, he runs afoul of an assassin (Zoe Saldana) trying to make off with his score. She might have gotten away with it, too, if not for a couple of meddling bounty hunters in the form of a gentically-enhanced raccoon (voiced by Bradley Cooper) and a humanoid tree (voiced by Vin Diesel) who also manage to get everyone nabbed by the Nova Corps space police force. With the help of an inmate named Drax (Dave Bautista), they band together to escape prison, but our less-than-merry misfits quickly discover that someone far worse is coming after them…several someones, actually.

While set in the Marvel universe of comicdom, Guardians of the Galaxy isn’t the biggest untapped property in the stable, but as they did launching Iron Man, it was ready-made to fill a niche; it feels like equal parts “Farscape,” “Firefly,” and the few family-friendly parts of Pitch Black (Vin Diesel much?) while putting an original spin on it. No matter how much this film stacked the deck, however, there was still a chance that Guardians wouldn’t fly, and that would have been the first real chink in Marvel’s box office armor (as of this date, this doesn’t appear to be an issue). Like all of the previous Marvel films, this franchise launch introduces as many hooks as it does links with its existing properties, and it all just keeps getting better.

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Review: ‘Her’ (the purest scifi)

In the near future – when all of our silly human struggles for need have come to an end – only want remains. Enter Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix), a lonely man who takes a chance on upgrading his mobile computer to a new operating system: a thinking program that can anticipate his desires (voiced by Scarlett Johansson). What he gets, however, is much more than that, but can a living person and an artificial intelligence have a meaningful relationship when the program evolves past the mere human who purchased it?

Her is an interesting premise for a drama: a man who falls in love with a computer program (let’s exclude the fact that she sounds like the perfect loving version of Scarlett Johanssen for a moment). The story makes sense; anyone whose ever been alone or just lonely can relate, and it doesn’t seem all that weird or implausible due to the lead actors delivering spot-on performances. Where Her missteps is in concluding the plot, conveniently getting all metaphysical (or cyberphysical, if you will) in order to end the film; there were only so many ways this was going to end, so it was this or Skynet, right? While intimacy and exclusivity are the core ideas being explored, very little is taboo, and the film does and exemplary job dealing with each idea respectfully even when – or especially when – it’s the most uncomfortable.

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Review: ‘Maleficent’ (magnificent!)

You only think you know the story (but this one – in many ways – is so much better).

Once upon a time, a fairy girl and a human boy dared to breach the boundary separating their two worlds and became very close. As the human boy became a man, Stefan (Sharlto Copley) grew ambitious and took to the service of his king; as the fairy girl became a woman, Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) remained the protector of her fairy kin but longed for Stephan’s return to her world. After an unprovoked battle by the mortal kingdom against the fairy border, the human army is decimated and their king placed upon his deathbed at the command of Maleficent; when the dying king offers his throne in exchange for revenge, Stephan returns to his childhood friend but betrays her, leaving her devastated and abandoned. Maleficent reciprocates at the christening of King Stefan’s first-born, cursing the infant princess to a terrible fate that only a vague notion of love might undo. In the years waiting for the curse to be effected, Maleficent begins to question her revenge against the blossoming but innocent Princess Aurora (Elle Fanning) while the man who truly deserves her ire prepares for the day he knows the dark fairy will come for him at last.

There were so many ways for this live-action retelling to go horribly wrong, and yet it remains surprisingly faithful to the original while recreating the title character as an infinitely more complex creature. Angelina Jolie proves her acting mettle in every glance, speaking volumes without saying a word; it’s hard to imagine anyone else playing this part after seeing what Jolie brought to the role. Likewise, Aurora’s demotion from main character to supporting cast neither undermines her nor renders her irrelevant, re-purposing her through Elle Fanning’s portrayal as the instrument that unblackens a heavy heart. While it seems trivial considering how little screen time he really gets, Sharlto Copley plays the mad king well, a man obsessed with keeping his power received through betrayal. While the cast alone put the film on the right track, it was a combination of all the elements that brought everything into perfect focus.

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Review: ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ (just go with the awesome)

If you just think of each franchise X-Men film installment as a stand-alone alternative history, it will go easier for your brain.

It’s the future and we lost – not just mutant-kind but ALL of mankind. The Sentinels created by Dr. Bolivar Trask (Peter Dinklage) in the 1970s evolve into machines that cease making the distinction between friend and foe since “normal” people can have mutant offspring and therefore must be destroyed. Kitty Pride (Ellen Page) has discovered the power to send someone’s consciousness back in time to their own body to warn everyone of an impending attack, but only for a few days at a time. Professor X (Patrick Stewart) and Magneto (Ian McKellen) launch a plan to send Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) back in time to stop shapechanger Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) from assassinating Trask and beginning the Sentinel program…all the way back to 1973. Of course, when you’re trying to change the past to fix the future, what can go wrong WILL go wrong.

How to you fix a story chock-full of wish-we-hadn’t-written-that revelations like X-Men 3? The same way Star Trek and countless comic books have always done it: change up yesterday for a brighter tomorrow. Putting aside his personal activities and legal accusations for the purposes of this review, director Bryan Singer had his pulse on the X-Men franchise before he and Brett Ratner swapped directing assignments, Bryan taking the reigns of the ill-fated Superman Returns and pleasing no one with a nigh-impossible assignment. Days of Future Past is based on the classic X-Men comic storyline but repurposed to reset the timeline and allow future franchise films to continue for Fox – and wow, does it ever.

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Review: ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2′ (Gwen drama good, villainy origins bad)

It’s like they took one good and one bad script and mashed them together.

After defeating the Lizard on his last outing, Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) aka Spider-Man fails to keep the promise he made to Captain Stacy (Denis Leary) in staying away from his daughter, Gwen (Emma Stone). Their on-again/off-again relationship is a source of stress between them, but just because Pete can’t get over his overdeveloped sense of honor and heroism doesn’t mean the late police Captain was wrong to fear for her safety around Pete. Meanwhile, a mild-mannered Oscorp engineer named Max (Jamie Foxx) falls into vat (insert mandatory Joker joke here) of electric eels while Harry Osborne (Dane DeHaan) decides that no good relationship should go unpunished (insert mandatory Joss Whedon joke here). Never mind all that Rhino stuff with Paul Giamatti in the trailer; it happens… eventually.

In an effort to keep their Marvel licensing going, Sony hurried a new Spider-Man franchise into production before everyone forgot the Sam Raimi trilogy. While the first new film, The Amazing Spider-Man, managed to fix a few things missing from Raimi’s first outing as well as creating an interesting new back story for Pete’s parents, the sequel hints at much more while showing far less. While the second Raimi Spider-Man film with Doc Ock was arguably the best of the series, this sequel couldn’t make up its mind on the tone of the film, undercutting not only itself but the first film as well. Much like the weakest parts of first Captain America film spent too much time building up to The Avengers, there’s a pervasive feeling that setting up additional franchise installments is far more important that getting a second story to actually work. That’s sad, too, because while Andrew Garfield still doesn’t seem very much like Peter Parker, he absolutely nails being Spidey.

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Review: ‘Godzilla’ 2014 (now with 100% less Matthew Broderick)

When the audience is cheering, you know you got it right.

In 1999, scientists with an organization known as Monarch investigate a mine collapse in the Philippines. Dr. Ichiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) discovers the remains of an ancient alpha predator and two dormant spores, one of which seems to have tunneled off unseen. Hundreds of miles away at the Janjira nuclear plant in Japan, operations engineer Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) witnesses the collapse of the entire facility with no reason as to why. Fifteen years later, the truth of what happened that day and what really went wrong comes to light… and it’s about to become a gargantuan problem.

It’s amazing what fans and audiences want from a Godzilla film. Originally Gojiri in Japanese, Godzilla was little more than a city-stomping monster, but the real popularity happened when it became a sort of protector to Japan… and later for the entire world. For a feature film, however, it just doesn’t make any sense to have 90-120 minutes of monster battle; there has to be reasons for it, which means you need a plot with relatable (read: human) characters. That means introducing mortal heroes and villains to go with our monstrous ones, or at least well-meaning yet misguided folks who manage to take a bad situation and make it worse. Isn’t it interesting when the scientists are the ones emoting all the “we must have faith” speeches?

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Review: ‘Muppets Most Wanted’ (mostly nostalgic Muppet mayhem)

While neither as complete nor compelling as the previous outing, it’s still a fun time with your favorite felt characters.

Picking up exactly where the last film left off, the newly re-assembled “Muppet Show” cast turns to Kermit the Frog for their next move; enter Dominic Badguy (Ricky Gervais) with a proposal for a world tour. Unbeknownst to the Muppets (but knownst to us), Dominic works for Constantine, a criminal mastermind who just happens to be a ringer for Kermit – except for a facial mole. Using a Muppet world tour to cover a series of museum thefts, Constantine replaces Kermit, banishing him to a Russian gulag under the obsessive eye of Warden Nadya (Tina Fey). After the first caper, CIA operative Sam Eagle is reluctantly teamed up with Inspector Jean Pierre Napoleon (Ty Burrell) to solve the crime, but will anyone other than superfan Walter ever believe Kermit isn’t really Kermit?

The original “Muppet Show” was a great format: a run-down vaudvillian theater run by slighty twisted but well-meaning puppets. At thirty minutes including commercials, it was just long enough, but the Muppet movies have often been self-consciously plagued with exactly how to fill ninety or more minutes. The Muppets did a great job in finding a balance between story and song, but the sequel starts slow after the first song before finding its stride. While not as well-rounded as The Muppets, Muppets Most Wanted finds its footing as it goes along. Fans should be pleased enough, but while Jason Seigel and Amy Adams took up much of The Muppets screen time, that almost seems to have worked better than allowing the Muppets themselves to star center stage – who knew?

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