A musical mashup of irksome ideas.

Founding the island kingdom of Rosas, the sorcerer Magnifico (Chris Pine) collects the fondest wishes from everyone willing to offer them, each hoping they’ll one day be granted. Unfortunately, those who part with them forget what their wishes were, waiting ceremony after ceremony for their special day to arrive. Enter Asha (Ariana DeBose), an idealistic but scrappy girl about to turn eighteen and seeking to apprentice with the sorcerer king she believes in… until she learns most of the collected wishes will never be granted. After losing any chance of getting the job by confronting Magnifico about his policies, Asha is inexplicably allowed to depart with this dangerous knowledge, later wishing upon a star to fix the problem no one can remember. To her and the audience’s surprise, a star named (wait for it) “Star” actually shows up to do something or another, and it just gets weirder from there (not in a good way).

Last year’s Elemental by Disney/Pixar looked like it had the chops to be the next big/cool thing from the Mouse House. While it chugged along to some success, “the magic” seemed to be missing, even more so than the lackluster Encanto, about a magical house owned by a vindictive grandma (you know it’s true). With a century of Disney works and animation in the Hollywood history books, the search was on for some kind of cinematic celebration, but instead of a Fantasia sequel or other introspective idea, moviegoers instead got Wish. Whether this began as an original idea co-opted for the anniversary or a creation designed around a bullet-pointed checklist, deliberate choices were made. Magic? Check. Kingdom? Check. Awkward yet spunky heroine either in or involving herself with the royal court and causing disruptions to the status quo? Check. An irredeemable yet worthy villain to be defeated at all costs? Well… let’s look a little bit closer at what co-directors Chris Buck (Frozen and Frozen II) and Fawn Veerasunthorn (Raya and the Last Dragon) have put their names on here.

From the moment we meet Magnifico, hints of his paranoia are obvious, handsome smiles and charismatic facade be damned. From seeking his own power to putting down any threat to what he’s created (read: exclusively his), we’re never given a real reason why, just a shredded tapestry, something about “never again,” and a mysterious book of forbidden magic no one should ever use — plus more than a few clues he’s kind of a jerk. On the flipside, Asha has no power other than hope and spunk, but everything goes her way as long as she keeps trying; she never makes an unpopular decision or ever actually evolves, because obviously she was perfect just as she was. In the meantime, there are a ridiculous number of songs — each as mediocre as the next — in addition to a barrage of Easter eggs hinting at better Disney fare. Every decision seems to stop at the first idea anyone had and is never plussed in any way or given any complexity; does anyone there still Pixar anymore? Maybe it would have been a better idea to model this 100-year celebratory film after The Emperor’s New Groove and make fun of everything rather than peddle a lifeless husk dressed up like a feature film.

Wish teases a hardship backstory which could have introduced sympathy for the villain (instead of alt-evil Captain Kirk from the Kelvin timeline), but in retrospect the shredded tapestry may have only been a nod to the prince’s clawed portrait in Beauty and the Beast. In other words, how is anyone supposed to notice the real story clues from all the winking and nodding? Why do the seven members of the kitchen staff seem oddly familiar? Why do so many of the wishes look lifted from the plots of older Disney films? Never mind when the light bad guy goes extra bad (you’ll guess exactly how that happens) and suddenly all the magic is “wicked Disney green.” There’s nothing to solve or really look forward to because even the surprises feel unexceptional — obligation rather than revelation — reminding fans of better Disney animated films and tropes. In fact, the end credit sequence does exactly the same thing; instead of celebrating how awesome what they just watched was, characters from previous animated classics are shown as though made of stardust. Yeah, sure, okay.

The Little Mermaid in 1989 was credited for the start of Disney’s Renaissance animation period, one that ended with Tarzan ten years later. Fast forward another decade, and the studio’s traditional animation gave in to full CGI, but the storytelling was still there… until now. With barely enough material to make it over ninety minutes once you add in the credits, it’s clear Wish exists merely because the studio demanded it.

Wish is rated PG for thematic elements, mild action, and a mediocre existence.

Zero skull recommendation out of four